I've never imagined
to get to know her personally. I was emotionally depressed for months when I
got declined by others due to my health state. And it was that time she chose
me. She might not know that her tiny decision actually had a huge impact on me.
It means really much to me. Not because of being a part of La Kayena. But being
accepted and trusted for who I am. From then onwards, I started to gain my confidence again. I'm also blessed to get to know the Adras; Ili, Najat, Grace and Wani through her. Thank you, Kak Maria. I love you all til Jannah. Pray for my new journey in
Malacca. Pray for my health as well. It's just a 2-hour drive to KL though.
Nanti rindu-rindu, kita meet up ye. Ada project kan? Hihi. :)
To survive in life, we have to be able to provide needs, at least, to our ownselves. Be it by working with people as employee, employer or even self-employed. It all depends on one's preferences, passion, knowledge and skills. Whatever your category is, there's no right or wrong. It's just the path you take in order to live or to make a living.
As for myself, I started working as an employee as soon as I finished school. My first job was as a crew to a popular fast food franchise in Malaysia or should I say, the world.
"Kerja biar ikhlas. Jujur. Amanah. Jika dibayar mengikut jam, janganlah curi tulang atau ponteng walau seminit. Jika rehat sejam, janganlah lebihkan walau sesaat. Gaji yang awak dapat, akan dibelanjakan. Setiap yang dibelanjakan, akan menjadi darah daging. Jika haram, maka bertambahlah titik hitam di hati. Jika titik hitam semakin banyak, maka gelaplah hati kita. Maka semakin banyak dosa yang akan kita lakukan. Yang tentunya memudaratkan kita, keturunan kita dan orang lain. Jangan mencuri. Jangan menipu. Jangan gelap mata. Ingat dosa pahala. Ingat Allah SWT."
I remembered those phrases. I tried working as hard as I could. Well, that was my first time in the 'REAL' world. I thought it was ideal, safe and sound, harmony, etc. Well, I must say I learned a lot. About people, mostly. About habits or attitude. Either when dealing with colleagues or higher management's staffs, or when dealing with customers, or as simple as human beings.
"Rilek lah, Farah. Tak perlu semangat sangat."
"Aku lambat sikit hari ni. Tolong punch-kan."
"Jom rehat. Awal sikit tak apa je. Nanti masuk lewat sikit, bukan manager tahu pun. Suruh je member punch."
"Aku ambil makanan lebih tadi. Lapar gila."
"Ada lebih duit kat cashier, so aku rembat."
"Aku keluar jap tau. Cover aku."
"Malaslah nak solat. Susahlah."
I heard more than these phrases. I also experienced more on other situations. I was surprised. Shouldn't it not this way? Right?
Musim cuti sekolah ni ramai kenalan nikah. Maaf tak dapat hadir kerna ada tugas. Tahniah dan semoga berbahagia hingga syurga. Saya baru je lepas makan. Alhamdulillah kenyang. Maaflah kepada yg witness saya mengunta (baca : makan) tadi. Saya x makan dari pagi. Jadi tadi perut sudah mengamuk. Sesampai je di kedai, terus order. Sesampainya makanan, terus lapah ayam dan telan nasi dll. Setelah seketika (baca : dah separuh habis) menikmati rezeki pd hari ini, saya mengangkat muka lalu nampak sorg budak memandang saya dgn penuh hairan. Maaflah dik, akak manusia, bukan sejenis mamalia lain. Saya teruskan makan dan mengangkat muka kali kedua. Ibunya pula pandang saya dengan senyuman. Maaflah kak, saya mmg camni. Pasrah dgn ketentuanNya lalu saya kembali melantak. Ku angkat muka lagi, ayahnya pula menatap kelakuanku dgn muka yg entahlah nak describe macam mana. Maaflah bang, saya bukanlah perempuan melayu terakhir. Maaf semua yg menyaksikan kejadian di kedai tadi. P/S : Gambar ini adalah design t-shirt @harashcollections. Moga jadi pledge isteri-isteri di luar sana. :)
Wow! A parade. She was so excited! She got ready and was brought to the venue with her teammates. There were many participating countries. Philippines, Thailand, India, Israel, Indonesia, Russia, China, France, and many more. The teammates and her were positioned and they rehearsed throughout the evening. Then, the time came. As they were dancing with joy, there were crowds pulling them to dance with. It was okay at first but there were a few times where the girls were being pulled and hugged by the men. Drunk men. She startled. And that made something occurred inside her heart.
"Gila lah. Macam dalam cerita kat TV."
The event ended that night. She chose to stay outside of her hotel for a while. She loved the cool-almost-freezing temperature. She took a deep breath and exhaled. She saw the white fumes out of her mouth. She could feel the cool wind on her face. As she stood outside, she watched the people there. A night in Andong was never the same as in Kuala Lumpur. Peace and calm. She could only see a few couples or friends walking, drunk. Some tried asking for any vacant rooms to make love. Some tried to get close to her but was pulled by their friends.
"Kat Malaysia tak dapat witness live. Kat sini pun jadilah. Best jugak experience benda-benda camni."
She thought. The phone rang.
"Okay event tadi?"
She told everything that happened. About the parade, about the people. She realized that she actually kinda amazed with what she experienced despite of her being uncomfortable when things happened. Experience, she thought. But still, there was this feeling. That always irritated her whenever things happened.
"Refer to HTAR Klang? Tak apa lah. Buat kat PPUM je. Nanti Daddy inform appointment date."
The appointment date was set. She went to do biopsy with the father accompanying her. Nervous as hell inside, but kept cool on the outside. *like a boss* She was actually afraid of anything to do with medical matters. She hated medicine too. And then, her number blinked. The father and her went into the doctor's room. The doctor was a friendly lady. Explained about what biopsy is, why people do biopsy, etc.
"The result is only 83% accurate. This is because the cells that we get during biopsy might turn out not to be the one. The one might just be besides the healthy ones. Or wherever it might be which is not reachable at the time."
"So, here we go. Are you scared?"
She smiled. But obviously, her eyes were afraid. So afraid. As usual, she kept cool. She saw a huge instrument just like the one she learned during her schooling years in Living Skills subject. Apit G, she guessed. The huge thing with a needle penetrated her throat. Kinda felt like something drilled into her neck. Her eyes were already filled with tears but she didn't allow them to cry out.
"Tak sakit kan?"
She smiled, again.
"So, we'll see you on your next appointment."
The father and her went out of the room. She gulped with relief, with hope.
As she arrived at Incheon International Airport in South Korea, she was excited! She decided to forget whatever she left in Malaysia in order to focus on her trip. But one thing seemed to bother her mind, Syahid. It's not about her missing him, or exactly about his proposal on marriage. Any other girl would be jumping up and down during or after being proposed. Her mind kept on sorting out the REALITY of the situation prior to the proposal. She was still a student. Him too. She was surprised that she was never excited, yet, on the proposal. Women usually shed tears of joy on marriage proposal. But not her, at the time. She didn't deny the fact that she liked the act or thought of Syahid wanting to marry her. But there was just something. The question of WHY and HOW.
"Istikharah lah. Kalau rasa ini yang terbaik, kita teruskan next step."
She studied on Istikharah prayer. Like a lot. Then, something bothered her mind, again.
"Solat pun tak penuh. Macam mana nak dapat jawapan? Allah nak terima istikharah aku ke? Masa ni baru nak refer to Allah. Takkan lah Allah nak layan aku. Bab kahwin je nak istikharah. Padahal banyak lagi benda boleh istikharah. Macam mana nak tahu he's the one? Mimpi? Aku bukannya alim pun nak mimpi bagai. Rasa tenang or lapang bila teringat dia? Tenang macam mana? Sedangkan sekarang ni sah-sah aku on a trip yang lagha (or even haram). Mana hati nak tenang."
She enjoyed herself to the max in Andong, South Korea. It was her first time travelling outside of Malaysia on university's sponsorship and own expenses. She believed she had worked hard to get selected to represent the university and country. She loved observing the culture there; food, people, tradition, etc. Even though at first she couldn't adapt, on food, she gradually bucked up. She never thought that the trip could change herself later onwards. She only imagined to get to represent her university or country again to different competitions and countries. Enthusiastic and motivated, at the time.
She never really cared about her appearance (whether it's fully-covered or not) or obligations before. But when she was there, somehow she felt the need to remind herself on her obligations. To her surprise, she actually did all her prayers, regardless if it was on time, qada' or even jama' and qasar (even though she was unsure whether the deeds were accepted due to the intention of her trip). Almost everyone forgot theirs, she assumed. Maybe she was right, or wrong. She left it all to Him.
"Jom makan. Nah, minum ni. Nak rasa? Belilah makanan ni kat situ."
She smiled to those phrases. There was a feeling inside.
"Jaga makan. Even orang cakap boleh, jangan. Ingat yang asas. Makan makanan yang awak bawa je."
She remembered her father's sayings as she witnessed almost everyone eating without having any thoughts on the food's status.
"Tak nak lah. Buat apa? Bukannya kitorang nak kahwin pun."
"Please...Aku tak nak lah pergi sorang. Temanlah aku. Ala, dia macam group counseling je kut."
"Nanti aku confirm balik. Nanti korang berlakon lah sikit. Cakap je korang pun nak kahwin."
And they went to the clinic on the date appointed by the nurse. They went with the imagination of participating in a group counseling session. But alas!
"Farah, siap kau!"
"Mana lah aku tahu. Haha. Aku ingat group counseling. Sorry."
The musketeers were all scared of needles. They had to pee, allow their blood taken, had their bodies checked, etc. They thought the situation was funny despite of their nervous feelings. One by one was called into a room by the doctor. It was her turn.
"Bila nak kahwin?"
"Bulan 9 ni."
"Oh, okay. Boleh saya tengok leher?"
"Awak ada thyroid ke?"
"Awak perasan tak leher awak bengkak?"
"Oh, sebab saya makan banyak kut. Gemuk. Lemak semua berkumpul kat situ."
"Haha. Saya syorkan awak buat biopsy untuk check. If ikut darah, normal je. Cuba je lah check, in case ada apa-apa. Tak rugi pun. Saya bagi surat ye."
And she thanked the doctor and went out of the room. She smiled to both her girl friends.
She glanced at her phone. Tried to focus on the lecture. Then, her phone vibrated. She looked at the screen, "Syahid". Exited the class and answered the call.
"Tengah dalam kelas tadi. Ada apa?"
"Oh, jom kahwin?"
"Hah? Esok saya nak pergi Korea dah kut. Banyak benda tak settle lagi."
"Fikir-fikirkanlah. Mak saya okay. Istikharah."
She entered the class. Couldn't focus. Something strange occurred. In her heart. As the lecture ended, she got home to settle things. She realized she didn't pack for the 3-week trip yet. Oh, the trip. Not merely a trip. It was for a competition, Andong International Maskdance Festival 2011. Represented MARA Technology University (UiTM) and Malaysia.
"Gila. Memang takkan lah. Tapi..."
And there she was, on a plane heading to Incheon International Airport, South Korea.